Somehow in the midst of returning to America and settling back into normal life, I slipped away from the blogosphere because it seemed nothing really important was happening in my life. It wasn't as hard as I had imagined to adjust to life in America again. It was all too easy to become glued to my phone, addicted to shopping with coupons and drive everywhere.
Somewhere in the past three months, summer slipped away from me. In the midst of its passing though I found a job, met and reconnected with old friends, rediscovered all the things i missed about Ocala, found and lost a boy, but mostly I lost myself somewhere in the process.
My friend Lindsay is spending her year between college and grad school living as a nomad. She's traveling all over the US working on farms, visiting her family along the way and how she describes it is "coming alive." There's a quote she used to accompany her cute little map that details where she is at what time and it goes like this:
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
So, I'm searching, or I'm rediscovering what makes me come alive right now. I'm going to work on my New Years Resolutions. I'm going to be come happy living in Ocala. And I'm going to alive.
Saturday
Friday
Day 92: Not Fitting In
I´ll be the first to admit that I don´t fit in here. Life is different, people are different and I´m just different... I was reminded of that tonight.
We had a masive thunderstorm. The kind that I´ve been missing... The kind that shakes the house and comes at you form under the doors and windows. The rain on the roof was so loud we couldnt hear one another speak.´
During this time, Sully was cooking, Vicky was cleaning, and Celeste was kneeling by her bed praying we were going to be safe.
Where was I?
I was out dancing in the rain.
We had a masive thunderstorm. The kind that I´ve been missing... The kind that shakes the house and comes at you form under the doors and windows. The rain on the roof was so loud we couldnt hear one another speak.´
During this time, Sully was cooking, Vicky was cleaning, and Celeste was kneeling by her bed praying we were going to be safe.
Where was I?
I was out dancing in the rain.
Day 91: Medical Missions
Every since I heard about medical missionaries as a kid I´ve wanted to do it. It´s always seemed to me like one of the most noble things to do. However, I´m absolutely incapàble of studying anything about the human body in a classroom, it makes me faint.
Today, a medical missions team came and turned our school into a little hospital. Life Goal 45 Accomplished.
I got to help an optometrist give glasses to tons of people. I got to help a dentist pull out teeth (Way gross) annnnd I got to translate!!! They only brought three translators, so guess who got to help tranlsate???? ME! Beyond thrilled.
Day 89: The Simple Life
(No, that is not a refernce to the epicly awful show put on by Nicole and Paris)
Living in a 3rd World Country, you definitely learn how to live a very simple life. Sometimes more than others.
Tonight around 6 our power went out. This happens a lot. Frequently we don´t have power or water, and never do we have a reason why.
Tonight though it was exceptionally hot. It was over 100 degrees all day today, so our tin roof and conducted a massive amount of heat inside our house for us. No fans, no air conditioning, no light, no breeze. We were in the dark and the heat. So, we pulled our kitchen chairs out into the backyard and sat and listened to the sounds of our little town.
We sang a lot of songs, some I knew, some I didn´t, and all the while it made me think of life before modern day technology. I have this friend Aaron. You can frequently find him with a beard, a pack of cigarettes, and a book sitting on his front porch. It´s one of the things I love most about him. He´s the kind of person that enjoys a hard days work. You won´t find him at clubs or malls, because the kind of thing that he enjoys can´t be bought or found there. Sitting in the yard, singing songs, being content to just pass the time by together, I had this whole new understanding of him. It´s funny how life can happen like that. I´ve always been a busybody, going and doing things, which is what drew me to Aaron. He didn´t need to be entertained or in a constant state of production. He could just "be."
It took 1000 miles and four months of hard labor to finally understand him.
I also have this friend Wheeler. He was born in America, but spent most of his life growing up in Thailand. Wheeler is an eccentric, and from the first time I saw him I knew I wanted to be his friend. Wheeler is an amazing cook, because he doesn´t understand American food. He combines things together that no one else would think of... Honey-Cheese-Eggs? You´d be surprised how delicious it is.
It wasn´t until I came to Honduras, that I finally understood how Wheeler feels when he looks at all our food. Tons of weird food and ingredients taht are just so different home, you learn to combine whatever you like and whatever smells tasty.
Living in a 3rd World Country, you definitely learn how to live a very simple life. Sometimes more than others.
Tonight around 6 our power went out. This happens a lot. Frequently we don´t have power or water, and never do we have a reason why.
Tonight though it was exceptionally hot. It was over 100 degrees all day today, so our tin roof and conducted a massive amount of heat inside our house for us. No fans, no air conditioning, no light, no breeze. We were in the dark and the heat. So, we pulled our kitchen chairs out into the backyard and sat and listened to the sounds of our little town.
We sang a lot of songs, some I knew, some I didn´t, and all the while it made me think of life before modern day technology. I have this friend Aaron. You can frequently find him with a beard, a pack of cigarettes, and a book sitting on his front porch. It´s one of the things I love most about him. He´s the kind of person that enjoys a hard days work. You won´t find him at clubs or malls, because the kind of thing that he enjoys can´t be bought or found there. Sitting in the yard, singing songs, being content to just pass the time by together, I had this whole new understanding of him. It´s funny how life can happen like that. I´ve always been a busybody, going and doing things, which is what drew me to Aaron. He didn´t need to be entertained or in a constant state of production. He could just "be."
It took 1000 miles and four months of hard labor to finally understand him.
I also have this friend Wheeler. He was born in America, but spent most of his life growing up in Thailand. Wheeler is an eccentric, and from the first time I saw him I knew I wanted to be his friend. Wheeler is an amazing cook, because he doesn´t understand American food. He combines things together that no one else would think of... Honey-Cheese-Eggs? You´d be surprised how delicious it is.
It wasn´t until I came to Honduras, that I finally understood how Wheeler feels when he looks at all our food. Tons of weird food and ingredients taht are just so different home, you learn to combine whatever you like and whatever smells tasty.
Day 87: Cuadrangulor de Futbol
We had a soccer tournmanet today.
I can count on one hand the amount of "normal" Fridays we´ve had here. This Friday though, we invited three of the other schools to come and play on our field in a little tournmament.
Seriously, one of the most fun days of my life.
The boys have been practicing after school with Ivan for weeks. So, me and the girls decided to practice a little bit of cheerleading. This is Angie. Their toetouches were so cute, and they kept gasping at me when I did mine and asking me to do them over and over again.
This is Victor, one of my third graders. Four five games he didn´t let a single goal get past him. He´s wicked good.
This is David... without a doubt our MVP. Kid plays soccer like five times a day. It is his absolute passion, which shows, because he plays with everything he has. After six games he was covered in dirt and sweat, and didn´t complain one bit about being tired.
My boys won and I was so incredibly proud. Competition tends to bring out my uglier side, so I tried not to get too involved, but during the championship game I was screaming "Vaminos hijos" along with all the parents, which made them all laugh.
I can count on one hand the amount of "normal" Fridays we´ve had here. This Friday though, we invited three of the other schools to come and play on our field in a little tournmament.
Seriously, one of the most fun days of my life.
The boys have been practicing after school with Ivan for weeks. So, me and the girls decided to practice a little bit of cheerleading. This is Angie. Their toetouches were so cute, and they kept gasping at me when I did mine and asking me to do them over and over again.
This is Victor, one of my third graders. Four five games he didn´t let a single goal get past him. He´s wicked good.
This is David... without a doubt our MVP. Kid plays soccer like five times a day. It is his absolute passion, which shows, because he plays with everything he has. After six games he was covered in dirt and sweat, and didn´t complain one bit about being tired.
My boys won and I was so incredibly proud. Competition tends to bring out my uglier side, so I tried not to get too involved, but during the championship game I was screaming "Vaminos hijos" along with all the parents, which made them all laugh.
Day 85: Yes, Summer, You are in Central America
So, when you´ve lived someplace for awhile you get comfortable. When you´ve survived eighty days without getting bit by a dog, hitten by a car, or thrown in the back of a moving car to get your organs harvested out, you get a little jaded. You think you´re invincible and nothing can happen to you.
I´m not invincible anymore.
Don´t worry, I´m safe and unharmed, I just don´t have as much stuff anymore. Today, someone climbed our fence, and reached through our gated porch to steal my rope. MY ROPE! It cost 15 lempiras (less than a dollar) but that´s what they wanted... And they only wanted one of them... they left the other. But they stole some of my clothes for good measure too.
I was sad because I´ve been very happy and comfortable thinking I live in a safe little bubble. But... when you live in a town that´s referred to as "Little Colombia," where gunshots are often a nighttime lullaby, it´s naive to think that you are in fact safe... but I did. El Ladron stole my sense of safety, along with mis cosas, and I don´t even think he knew he took it.
So, I went to the Pulperia tonight and told Don Casteñeda what happened (all in spanish) and he graciously let me buy a new rope from him. :) Sully and I sat on the front porch of the Pulperia with The Don and his sons and friends and laughed and talked and shared stories while he taught me how to tie seven different knots. It was one of my favorite nights here so far. Sitting on the porch, doing nothing but shooting the breeze. It reminded me of college. When the best thing to do was enjoy a warm nighttime breeze on the front porch, sipping a cup of hot tea, swapping stories between the cigarette smoke underneath the stars with your best friends. Part of it made me long for home, but part of me knew that this was home now, too.
I´m not invincible anymore.
Don´t worry, I´m safe and unharmed, I just don´t have as much stuff anymore. Today, someone climbed our fence, and reached through our gated porch to steal my rope. MY ROPE! It cost 15 lempiras (less than a dollar) but that´s what they wanted... And they only wanted one of them... they left the other. But they stole some of my clothes for good measure too.
I was sad because I´ve been very happy and comfortable thinking I live in a safe little bubble. But... when you live in a town that´s referred to as "Little Colombia," where gunshots are often a nighttime lullaby, it´s naive to think that you are in fact safe... but I did. El Ladron stole my sense of safety, along with mis cosas, and I don´t even think he knew he took it.
So, I went to the Pulperia tonight and told Don Casteñeda what happened (all in spanish) and he graciously let me buy a new rope from him. :) Sully and I sat on the front porch of the Pulperia with The Don and his sons and friends and laughed and talked and shared stories while he taught me how to tie seven different knots. It was one of my favorite nights here so far. Sitting on the porch, doing nothing but shooting the breeze. It reminded me of college. When the best thing to do was enjoy a warm nighttime breeze on the front porch, sipping a cup of hot tea, swapping stories between the cigarette smoke underneath the stars with your best friends. Part of it made me long for home, but part of me knew that this was home now, too.
Day 83: Dia de Piscina
We had a pool day with the kids. It was the absolute most fun thing in the world.
Day 80: Things I Wanted to Be as a Kid
I distinctly remember elementary school. I can tell you all of my teachers names, where their classrooms were, and how I spent a typical day. I loved everything about school, because when you´re a kid you don´t have the pressures and responsibility of adult life pressing down on you. The only thing weighing down your shoulders are the weight of your best friend as you try to help him across the monkey bars.
When I was a kid I stayed after school in the Extended Day Program until my mom could come and pick me up when she got off work. Some of my absolute best memories are from those short hours between 3-5 when school was over and it was nothing but recess time with all of my friends.
We would make up dances, practice cheerleading, play board games, pretend we were actresses, do arts of crafts... all the good things that childhood are made of. So for six years, I dreamed of being an actress, a singer, a painter, a musician... but that was before I grew up. When you´re a kid you can dream about being anything, because no adult wants to kill your imagination or your sense of hope... but as you grow, people become more blunt. You learn you´re not as talented as you thought you were, or that other people out there are just more talented. It´s funny that we call it "grow"ing up when all we really do is narrow life down. The world doesn´t get bigger as we do, it gets smaller, along with our options.
When I was a kid, I wanted to sing and dance and make art and do cheerleading, and for years I forgot about it, accepted that it couldn´t be done. Being here in Honduras, I´ve gotten to do all of those things. I teach cheerleading to the girls, so they can cheer the boys on during soccer games. I sing with the kids and teach them new songs and how to play piano and guitar. I make up art projects out of whatever materials I can find lying around. I dance with the girls for chapel and teach them new moves and different forms of dances. I act out stories and make up characters and their voices during reading time.
Everything that I ever wanted to be as a kid, I am.
Who says you can´t make all your dreams come true?
When I was a kid I stayed after school in the Extended Day Program until my mom could come and pick me up when she got off work. Some of my absolute best memories are from those short hours between 3-5 when school was over and it was nothing but recess time with all of my friends.
We would make up dances, practice cheerleading, play board games, pretend we were actresses, do arts of crafts... all the good things that childhood are made of. So for six years, I dreamed of being an actress, a singer, a painter, a musician... but that was before I grew up. When you´re a kid you can dream about being anything, because no adult wants to kill your imagination or your sense of hope... but as you grow, people become more blunt. You learn you´re not as talented as you thought you were, or that other people out there are just more talented. It´s funny that we call it "grow"ing up when all we really do is narrow life down. The world doesn´t get bigger as we do, it gets smaller, along with our options.
When I was a kid, I wanted to sing and dance and make art and do cheerleading, and for years I forgot about it, accepted that it couldn´t be done. Being here in Honduras, I´ve gotten to do all of those things. I teach cheerleading to the girls, so they can cheer the boys on during soccer games. I sing with the kids and teach them new songs and how to play piano and guitar. I make up art projects out of whatever materials I can find lying around. I dance with the girls for chapel and teach them new moves and different forms of dances. I act out stories and make up characters and their voices during reading time.
Everything that I ever wanted to be as a kid, I am.
Who says you can´t make all your dreams come true?
Thursday
Day 79: Livin´La Vida Loca
Yes... that´s a direct Ricky Martin reference, because his "coming out" was a huge deal.
Hoy fue una la dias mas loca. Cuando llegué a El Progreso este fin de semana, yo esperaba que me huberia correos de EU. Muchas personas digame que enviaron cosas, pero no he recibido nada. (The other day, Sol asked me who taught me spanish because I was really good at it... apparently she has since forgotten that I did not in fact speak any spanish when I set foot in Honduras.)
Anyways, so yesterday when we got here, Vicky had letters, but I didn´t have any, which made me kind of sad. This morning though, Sully and I trekked two miles to the post office so I could mail the massive amounts of postcards I´ve collected over the past months. It took almost ninety stamps, and the wonderful young man behind the counter helped me glue all of the on. (yes, glue... they dont have lickable stamps here.... it´s too hot)
When we got home Doña Santa asked me for twenty lempiras, which I thought was weird, but Sully told me it was because I received a package. A package!! My lovely friends in Tennessee got together and mailed me a bag of sour patch kids along with some letters and a cd. The whole family just stared and laughed at me because I was smiling and giggling and absolutely overwhelemed with joy and love.
After said giddiness, I was in the mood for anything, so Sully invited me to a college rally one of her friends was going to. I tagged along and it turned out to be this big political-governmental thing. We walked in and they seated us in the front row. (Since I´m American, it made us very honored guests.) That was only slightly overwhelming since I could only catch every couple of words he was saying. But basically, he examined the new government´s plan for the future and showed all the ways in which it is only going to help the rich instead of the helping the most people. It lasted about an hour and half, and strangely enough, I wasn´t even bored. Usually, I´m ansty, and wanting to know what we´re doing next or where we´re going, but I was strangely calm... just content on being in the moment.
After the man was done speaking, Luis asked me if I was bored, and I told him that I genuinely wasn´t. I am so completely used to never knowing what´s being said, what´s going on, or where we´re going that I´ve just kind of gotten used to doing nothing. It was exicting. I´ve finally lost hold of that Need'To'Be'Entertained'American mentality.
They fed us, thanked us for coming, filmed us on tv, then wanted us to sing.
Weird.
But... I´m used to doing things I don´t want to, so I just did it anyway. Life´s about taking chances right? You can´t grow unless you actually move... and that´s what I´ve learned to do here in Honduras, move.
After getting our fill of attention (Sully is never quite full, by the way) we went to the outskirts of town to see a train graveyard. Kind of exciting and scary all at the same time. I was fully prepared for rival with the Socs, but they never showed up.
The last exciting thing of the day happened around 10:30 at night when I was most tired and wanting bed. I wanted to go and crawl in bed, but there was something alluring about staying up with Angelica, Cynthia, Polet, Sully and Santa. Even though they were only speaking spanish, and I couldnt understand a lot of it because they speak so fast, I decided to stay fight the Goddess Nyx a bit longer. And boy was it worth it.
We stayed up and created a Non-Profit Organization togther. And as we sat around the table until the wee hours in the morning, discussing and dreaming together, something magical happened. It was one of those rare moments that stuns you as it happens: where you know that this moment is more than just a fleeting memory, that this moment, and every part of it, will live on forever. And it almost didn´t happen to me...
Hoy fue una la dias mas loca. Cuando llegué a El Progreso este fin de semana, yo esperaba que me huberia correos de EU. Muchas personas digame que enviaron cosas, pero no he recibido nada. (The other day, Sol asked me who taught me spanish because I was really good at it... apparently she has since forgotten that I did not in fact speak any spanish when I set foot in Honduras.)
Anyways, so yesterday when we got here, Vicky had letters, but I didn´t have any, which made me kind of sad. This morning though, Sully and I trekked two miles to the post office so I could mail the massive amounts of postcards I´ve collected over the past months. It took almost ninety stamps, and the wonderful young man behind the counter helped me glue all of the on. (yes, glue... they dont have lickable stamps here.... it´s too hot)
When we got home Doña Santa asked me for twenty lempiras, which I thought was weird, but Sully told me it was because I received a package. A package!! My lovely friends in Tennessee got together and mailed me a bag of sour patch kids along with some letters and a cd. The whole family just stared and laughed at me because I was smiling and giggling and absolutely overwhelemed with joy and love.
After said giddiness, I was in the mood for anything, so Sully invited me to a college rally one of her friends was going to. I tagged along and it turned out to be this big political-governmental thing. We walked in and they seated us in the front row. (Since I´m American, it made us very honored guests.) That was only slightly overwhelming since I could only catch every couple of words he was saying. But basically, he examined the new government´s plan for the future and showed all the ways in which it is only going to help the rich instead of the helping the most people. It lasted about an hour and half, and strangely enough, I wasn´t even bored. Usually, I´m ansty, and wanting to know what we´re doing next or where we´re going, but I was strangely calm... just content on being in the moment.
After the man was done speaking, Luis asked me if I was bored, and I told him that I genuinely wasn´t. I am so completely used to never knowing what´s being said, what´s going on, or where we´re going that I´ve just kind of gotten used to doing nothing. It was exicting. I´ve finally lost hold of that Need'To'Be'Entertained'American mentality.
They fed us, thanked us for coming, filmed us on tv, then wanted us to sing.
Weird.
But... I´m used to doing things I don´t want to, so I just did it anyway. Life´s about taking chances right? You can´t grow unless you actually move... and that´s what I´ve learned to do here in Honduras, move.
After getting our fill of attention (Sully is never quite full, by the way) we went to the outskirts of town to see a train graveyard. Kind of exciting and scary all at the same time. I was fully prepared for rival with the Socs, but they never showed up.
The last exciting thing of the day happened around 10:30 at night when I was most tired and wanting bed. I wanted to go and crawl in bed, but there was something alluring about staying up with Angelica, Cynthia, Polet, Sully and Santa. Even though they were only speaking spanish, and I couldnt understand a lot of it because they speak so fast, I decided to stay fight the Goddess Nyx a bit longer. And boy was it worth it.
We stayed up and created a Non-Profit Organization togther. And as we sat around the table until the wee hours in the morning, discussing and dreaming together, something magical happened. It was one of those rare moments that stuns you as it happens: where you know that this moment is more than just a fleeting memory, that this moment, and every part of it, will live on forever. And it almost didn´t happen to me...
Day 78: Copan Ruinas!
One of my goals for being in Honduras was visiting the Mayan City of Copan! I finally did it!
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